Driven constantly by the desire to be admired by my peers, I worshiped my "Hog" (Harley Davidson motorcycle), spending countless hours building and beautifying a machine that only took me further and further into the emptiness that continually weighed down my heart and soul. This "Hog-tied" condition robbed my wife and children of the husband and father they so desperately needed.

But more than that, I was hopelessly lost in my search for fulfillment and peace, and ridden with guilt for the way I was living. I now know that I was actually sinning against God as well as my wife and three children.

During this time I led a double life as a successful engineer by day and a "Hog-riding" wild man by night. The drugs and alcohol I consumed, along with the wretched lifestyle I experienced with the hog-riders, who were also in the same corrupt condition, began to wear me down. Thoughts of suicide came into my mind. I thought, "I have tried it all---rock music, race cars, motorcycles, alcohol, drugs" ---but nothing filled the void in my soul. I lived like an animal; the "Wolfman" (my nickname) was a true reality.

There were no answers, no peace, no purpose in my life. Suicide seemed more and more like the answer. After fifteen years of Godless, full-tilt rebellion against all authority, living the life of a wicked, selfish "me-centered" individual, consuming all the known "feel-good" solutions, I was at the end of my rope-a desperate, drunken, defiant hell-bound, mound of human flesh without the will to live.....

(continued)

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